Sunday, September 12, 2010
3 years past...
So, of course that date was then immediately followed by 9/11. The 3rd year anniversary of Chris's passing from breast cancer. Labor Day Monday usually is the beginning of "hell week" as I like to put it. You can go back to my other blog and read all about it. It was a very long week that took it's toll on all of us. Each year starting with Labor Day I can run through my mind what each and every day brought. Up to and including the final days here at home.
Emotions were really built up inside of me this year. I came home late Friday night (9/10) and check my facebook page and of course people were posting well wishes and many started posting their own memories of Chris. It really overwhelmed me knowing how many lives were touched by her and not just our immediate family. I cried myself to sleep that night, more so than I have in a very, very long time. It just needed to come out.
I woke up on Saturday morning at, you guessed it 6:30. The time of the morning that Chris passed away. I've done this before and find it very ironic. Alex had to go to downtown Frederick early in the morning. I left the house right after she did. I stopped and bought some pink roses and took them to the cemetery and put them in a vase that I brought. I bought pink to represent the breast cancer ribbon that we all have grown to know and support. I have several friends that are battling this dreaded disease now and it pains me to see that it continues to reek havoc among many people's lives. I spent about 30 mins at the grave site and simply had a good cry, but my tears were not just of sorrow and despair. They also were tears of joy and happiness. I'm so very thankful for the time I had with Chris and the gift that she left me. Words that are so very special to me that I will never forget them. These words allowed me to pick myself up and start my life again and find new found happiness.
I spent the rest of the day in a "funk". I came home and the boys decided to go off to downtown Frederick for the afternoon. It was quiet in the house. I took my mind off of the day by stripping off the wall paper in my master bathroom. A messy job but one that I've been waiting to do for weeks/years. Heather dropped in to surprise me and check on me. She was very concerned for me and wanted to see if I was doing okay. Seeing her really helped perk me up, although it probably didn't show it.
After she left I just relaxed the rest of the afternoon. After the kids all came home we eventually just built a bonfire in the backyard and the 4 of us cooked over the fire, had marshmallows and sat around enjoying one another's company.
It was a long day, but a day that will come each and every year. I received so many messages and notes which made me feel so loved and cared for. To each and every one of you THANK YOU! I am well, and I miss Chris with all my heart. Nothing will ever change that. I have been given a gift. And that gift comes directly from her. That gift is the chance to find joy and happiness again.